Plannig Ahead

Failure to plan on your part is not really my problem.  If you are going out of town and taking a laptop that you have never used before it might be a good idea to make sure you can log into the thing before you leave and not wait until you are 500 miles away to call and get grumpy that it doesn't work.  If you have some special thing you are going to do in class, try it before your class starts to make sure it will work.  Don't call me in a panic because you need some off-the-wall thing that has to be done 10 minutes ago or your class will be canceled.  I understand your pain, but it's not my fault, and there's just not a heck of a lot I can do about it.  So sorry.

It's called "college" for a reason

This isn't high school any more kiddies.  This is College.  It means you have to take responsibility for a lot of things, particularly your homework.  If you are an introductory computer science student, and have to have your mommy call and ask "What is a compiler and where do we get one" you are probably not going to make it.  If you call and all you can tell us is "I can't do my file thing" you are probably not going to make it.  If you can't understand the what PuTTY is used for (google it some time, dear readers if you haven't heard of it) you are probably not meant for computer science.  Oh, and by the way, the Help Desk Guy will not write your programs for you either. Nor can we debug one if it won't compile.  Especially since you don't even know what a compiler is or where you can get one.

Yes, it was all the same student. 

It's really not that difficult

I promise.  It's not that hard to set a password.  Granted, the rules are fairly strict, but as you can see, they are listed in detail on the password changer page. 

 

No one should have to spend 30 minutes on the phone while you try and create something that meets the rules.  Nor should you have to have it reset 3 times while in the process of creating one because you can't remember what you choose long enough to log in with it.  

Stupid Stuff I See part 2

Actual survey response:

Paper certainly got there, however as soon as it was loaded into the tray the gentleman delivering paper Batmanned (meaning he silently escaped through an open window). Immediately after the printer jammed and I was forced to clear it for want of my documents. Due to this I had to rush to lab covered in evidence of my printer battle thus earning me the nickname Thomas Toner Hands. While moniker is totally made up I do wish the Tech had stuck around to make sure the printer worked, that he didn't overload it.


Bonus points for creativity.

How did you not notice that?

Staff Caller: "I think the UPS has gone out. It's making a terrible noise"
Help Desk Guy hears the noise of the thing. Sounds like it has either lost power or has failed.
Help Desk: "It hasn't come unplugged or loose has it?"
Staff Caller: "Nope, first thing I checked"
Help Desk Guy: "Ok, we'll have some one come and see if we can get you plugged in somewhere else for now while we get the UPS checked"

Time passes

Staff Caller: "Never mind. It looks like the power is off on our whole floor."

More random stupid

Faculty caller :"I don't know my user ID, password or ID number. Can you help?"

Student Caller: "I can't log into email. It asks for a user ID. What's that?"

badPwdCount 33

Help Desk Guy: "IT help desk this is Help Desk Guy"
Student Caller : "Is this the IT help desk"
Help Desk guy refrains from saying "No moron. I answer the phone like that for fun"
Help Desk Guy: "Yes it is"
Student Caller: "I got an email saying my system has been blocked from the network for a virus and I have to reformat and re-install my operating system to be allowed back on the network. What does this mean?"
Seriously?
Help Desk Guy: "It means you have a virus. You need to reformat your computer to clean it. That means reinstalling your operating system as well"
Student Caller: "So I have to reformat?"
Help Desk Guy: "Yes"
Student Caller "Then reinstall my Windows?"
Help Desk Guy: "yes"
Student Caller "How do I get around that?"
Help Desk Guy "You don't if you want to use the network again"
Student Caller "So what does this mean?"
Seriously?

Stupid Stuff I See

Text of actual ticket submitted:

Two computers have been down recovering from a virus for apparently 3-ish weeks. I didn't know that computers were like people and needed downtime to work their stuff out, but apparently I was misinformed. These computers really need to be operational for quizzing and teaching purposes as a week is no big deal, but 3 is really starting to push it and hinder the various classes that use the room, mine included. Any help would be awesome, or just tell me that I can pour some chicken soup on the keyboard to fix it, put them out of their misery, or something.

Not sure if smart ass or... yeah, just smart ass.

Random Stupid

Some repeat offenders today.

Staff Caller "The computer says 'Dell'. That means it's a Mac right?" Yes, it was the same guy

Help Desk Guy: "Is your start button round or square?"
Student Caller (Chem Post-Doc) "It's round" wait for it... "No, wait. I guess it's square"

Student Ticket (paraphrasing): "I responding to phishing. Changing my password isn't enough. Please change my user ID so I don't have identity theft (yes, that was his exact words)"


badPwdCount 57 'nuff said about that one

Still Phishing

Another round of phishing. It seems to be a Monday thing, as we have a new round every Monday several weeks in a row. It all boils down to the same thing, tho. "click here to keep your account from being deactivated". Then all you have to do is enter your user ID and password on some random webpage and you are all set. I'm constantly surprised at the number of folks that fall for this sort of thing. If a random stranger asks you for your house or car keys, would you hand over your keys and point out which car/house is yours? If you did, you should not be surprised if your things get stolen. Actually, you can't call it theft at that point. It's a donation. So don't call me saying that your password was stolen. You gave it away, and likely compromised the entire network. Again. Thanks for your consideration. Also, you can't complain that your inbox is full of crap you didn't sent. In actuality, you did send it by giving a stranger your password.

What's my name?

Yes, I realize you are one of the more important folks in this organization, a big muckety-muck and all, but honestly. We have no idea what your personal email address is. We don't know your university password much less your personal one. Be a dear and keep up with that your self, OK Punkin? Thanks so much.

How would I know...

Staff Caller: "My supervisor just gave me access to a calendar but I can't open it"
Help Desk Guy: "What sort of trouble are you having?"
Staff Caller: "I clicked on Open a shared calendar, and nothing happened"
Held Desk Guy: "You need to put in the email address for the calendar that your supervisor gave you access to"
Staff Caller: "So what do I put in there?"
Help Desk Guy: "The email address for the calendar that you need to see"
Staff Caller: "So what do I put in there?"

Sigh.

Really? I never would have guessed

Waitress (while bringing us our food): "Hi, I'm Stacy and I'll be your server today"

To be fair, she told us that when she seated us, again when she brought coffee, and again when she took our order. I'm guessing blond roots. Maybe if she doesn't say her name enough she forgets what it is.

Let 'em off the apron strings. Please.

As the spring semester ends, new students are gearing up to join us in the fall. As a result we get a lot parents trying to get Little Johnny and Sweet Suzie's email accounts and student database access set up. The problem is... due to FERPA, we cannot give the parents any information about the student's account. We can give basics, like go to this website, click that link, these are the questions you will need answers to, that sort of thing, but when it comes to things like "what's Johnny's user ID" we cannot answer that. It leads to interesting comments:

Parent Caller: "I don't think my son is bright enough to do this on his own" Really, Mom? This is a techincal university ya know...

Parent Caller "I've never heard of gmail. What is that?" You live under a rock, right?

Parent Caller "If he does this on his own, then I won't know the password" So much for student privacy...

Parent Caller "I pay the tuition. I have a right to know." Argue that with the Dept. of Education

Parent Caller "She really doesn't know much about computers" Maybe this one and Bright Boy up there will get together.

Honorable Mention for Honesty Award
Help Desk guy: "This is really something the student will have to do. We need to be able to talk to him"
Parent Caller: "Well, the student is a lazy ass"

What is my web address?

Staff Caller: "I'm with DEPARTMENT. We are having pens printed and want our web address for DEPARTMENT printed on them. What is my department's web address?"

To make this even more interesting, the caller was one of two people in DEPARTMENT that works on DEPARTMENT'S website on a regular basis.

Help Desk Guy: "DEPARTMENT.UNIVERSITY.edu?"

Granted, Staff Caller had a dumb bunny on the phone that insisted that every web address MUST start with WWW, but still. You don't know your own department's web address?

On a side note, not every address on the web starts with WWW. If someone tells you a web address, you might just try typing it in as spoken. If the address contained WWW the speaker most likely would have mentioned them.

On an unrelated note, if you receive an email with a telephone number in it that you are to call for a teleconference, apparently it will function better if you dial the number as printed and not simply make up numbers to put in.

What department is this again?

If you call someone and they say something along the lines of "IT Help Desk. Can I help you?" you might guess that you are not calling the University's International Affairs Office. Don't get pissy with me if I don't happen to know who Amy is. She's not in my department, and there are over 1,000 users here. I don't know them all personally, and have no idea if "Amy" is in the office.

Note that having both the monitor and tower powered up is important to having a working computer.

Student Caller: "I'm having problems setting up my new email" Not how she said it, paraphrasing.
HelpDesk Guy: "Do you know your user ID?"
Student Caller: "No"
Help Desk Guy "How about your student number?
Student Caller: "No"
Help Desk Guy "The registrar might be able to help you if you know your Social Security Number"
Student Caller: "Wat's dat?" yes, that's how she said it.
Ah the joys of incoming freshmen. She prolly doesn't know her shapes either.

Yeah, we're psychic

Faculty Caller: " I have a broken computer in another office, can you fix it?"
Help Desk Guy: "What's it doing? Can you give me any information about the computer?"
Faculty Caller: " No. I guess I need to call from that office?"

Ya think?

Also, if a computer doesn't take your password, just press the same keys HARDER. It will make it work correctly for you. Same with the mouse. Bash the buttons really hard, it makes things go faster.

Know your shapes

User calls in with problems with her computer
Help Desk Guy: "What operating system are you using?"
Student Caller:"Um... I dunno, Windows I guess"
Help Desk Guy: "Do you know what version? Windows XP, Vista, 7?"
Student Caller: "Um... no?"
Help Desk Guy (not surprised, a lot of folks don't know that one) "Is your start button round or square?"
Student Caller: "Um.. I dunno. Squareish I guess?"

Really? Are you sure you are a college student? She was actually using Win7 by the way, so it was round.

Did you even listen to the question?

Student Caller "I forgot my password and need to reset it, but this tool is not working"
Help Desk Guy "Are you using the tool at the student information site?"
Student Caller "Yes. It keeps asking for a password though, and I don't know what the password is"
Help Desk Guy "It should be asking for your email address, student number, ssn and date of birth"
Student Caller "Oh... is that because I'm using the tool at the class information site?"

This is why I asked if you are using the one at the student information site.

In other news:

Ticket received:
Please install a desk in my office (this was not a typo. he really did want IT to purchase and set up a desk for him.)

Ticket received:
I have two monitors, but I never use the second one. When I turn it off, I lose my mouse pointer

Ticket received:
I switched my mail to the new email service, but now all the mail only appears there.

Caller: "I can't log into anything"
Help Desk Guy "Are you staff, faculty, student..?"
Caller "Staff"
I guess I can call him staff caller now
Help Desk Guy: "Do you know what your user ID is?"
Staff Caller (without actually providing the information) "yes"
This is going well. Yay.
Eventually found out that his computer had been compromised and blocked from the network. His password was also scrambled
Staff Caller: "So I guess I just sit here until something happens?"
What a helpful friendly fellow. Oh I don't know. Maybe we can submit a ticket to have your computer rebuilt and then find a machine with someone else logged in so that we can get your password changed?
Staff Caller: "My morning is shot. I don't have time to deal with this"
Help Desk Guy "You won't be able to log into anything until your password gets changed"
Staff Caller "whatever"

Oh, and another thing...

Why is there so much confusion around the terms reboot, Log off, lock and shut down? They really are 4 distinct options in the Windows shut down menu, and they really do 4 very different things. Generally we will only ask you to do 2 of those, either log off or restart. Generally this is because we either need access to your machine without you being "in" it, or there is something not right with your computer and sometimes a simple restart will correct those issues. Please please please, pay attention to what we ask you to do. It's really not that hard to pick the right one. Thanks.

Wait...wut?

User ID. Fairly important bit of information. EVERYone on campus has one. You use it to log into EVERYthing that has ANYthing to do with the university. It's really not a hard question like what is your favorite color or your wedding anniversary or something. It's really not. Be prepared for someone to ask that of you if you call.

Student Caller "I'm having problems with my email"
Help Desk Guy "What is your user ID?"
Student Caller "Why do you need that?"

...

Student Caller "I'm having problems with my email"
Help Desk Guy "What is your user ID?"
Student Caller "mumblemumblemumble"
Help Desk Guy "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that, can you please repeat it?"
Student Caller (speaking even faster) "mumblemumblemumbl"

...

To make it interesting, most of our student user ID's are a 6 character string, normally initials followed by 3 random characters. THIS really gets interesting over the phone when you can have something like VBDFSX as an ID that you have to try and repeat over the phone. Yes, I know. Not everyone is familiar with either the NATO or radio alphabets, but most folks should have an idea of what a phonetic spelling is used for. If someone uses a phonetic alphabet to repeat your user ID back to you, please pay attention to the words. D as in Delta when repeated back means that I heard a letter D. If you agree with me, then I assume that your ID has a letter D in it not B. Oddly enough B as in Delta makes no sense. And if you are trying to spell your ID back to me G for Guest is a bit weird, especially with a Chinese accent.