Oh, and another thing...

Why is there so much confusion around the terms reboot, Log off, lock and shut down? They really are 4 distinct options in the Windows shut down menu, and they really do 4 very different things. Generally we will only ask you to do 2 of those, either log off or restart. Generally this is because we either need access to your machine without you being "in" it, or there is something not right with your computer and sometimes a simple restart will correct those issues. Please please please, pay attention to what we ask you to do. It's really not that hard to pick the right one. Thanks.

Wait...wut?

User ID. Fairly important bit of information. EVERYone on campus has one. You use it to log into EVERYthing that has ANYthing to do with the university. It's really not a hard question like what is your favorite color or your wedding anniversary or something. It's really not. Be prepared for someone to ask that of you if you call.

Student Caller "I'm having problems with my email"
Help Desk Guy "What is your user ID?"
Student Caller "Why do you need that?"

...

Student Caller "I'm having problems with my email"
Help Desk Guy "What is your user ID?"
Student Caller "mumblemumblemumble"
Help Desk Guy "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that, can you please repeat it?"
Student Caller (speaking even faster) "mumblemumblemumbl"

...

To make it interesting, most of our student user ID's are a 6 character string, normally initials followed by 3 random characters. THIS really gets interesting over the phone when you can have something like VBDFSX as an ID that you have to try and repeat over the phone. Yes, I know. Not everyone is familiar with either the NATO or radio alphabets, but most folks should have an idea of what a phonetic spelling is used for. If someone uses a phonetic alphabet to repeat your user ID back to you, please pay attention to the words. D as in Delta when repeated back means that I heard a letter D. If you agree with me, then I assume that your ID has a letter D in it not B. Oddly enough B as in Delta makes no sense. And if you are trying to spell your ID back to me G for Guest is a bit weird, especially with a Chinese accent.

Stupid stuff I see, hear and do.

Stupid Stuff I See:

This is our busiest week of the year. We go from about 75 calls per day to over 200 for a couple of weeks at the start of the fall semester (remember, technical university, right?). This year, we have a smaller staff taking calls for various reasons, so the call volume "feels" even bigger than it normally does this time of year. This is part of the stupid I see. Part 2 was at least temporary. The facilities guys needed to run some additional data cables in out building, and needed to install additional conduit for it. 4 inch diameter conduit, through concrete floor directly above the call center. During work hours. Have you ever heard what a hammer drill sounds like boring a 4 inch hole through a foot of concrete? Have you ever tried to have a phone conversation over that sort of racket?

Stupid Stuff I Hear:

The most common one recently goes something like:

Student Caller "I can't log into (insert online application here)"
Help Desk Guy "What sort of error are you getting?"
Student Caller "I don't know, it just won't let me in"
Help Desk Guy "Why don't you go ahead and give it a try while we are on the phone so I can get an idea "
Student Caller "Hold on while I turn on my computer" even better was the one that had me hold on while she WALKED ACROSS CAMPUS to find a lab computer that wasn't in use, huffing, puffing and cussing the whole way.

Then there was...

Staff Caller "My printer isn't working"
Help Desk Guy "Is this a network printer or local?"
Staff caller "I don't understand"
OK, I'll give you that one.
Help Desk Guy: "Is this a printer that only you can print to, or do others print to it as well?"
Staff Caller: "I don't know"
Help Desk Guy: "Do we know what kind of printer it is?"
Staff Caller: "No. It's grayish. Does that help?"
Yeah sure it does. It looks like every other printer ever made. Thanks. I now know exactly what kind it is
Help Desk Guy: "What about your computer name? Do you know that?"
Staff Caller "No"
Help Desk Guy: "Do you have a 'My Computer' icon on your desktop?"
Staff Caller "I don't see one. The problem is my printer, not the computer"

I sent someone to go have a look. Apparently the reason the printer was not printing was because a network print job that is automatically sent to her printer from the main campus or "mother ship" was currently being sent, rather than over-night like normal. It "wasn't printing" because the print job had not yet been sent.

The rash of phishing schemes got us "blacklisted" by a couple of organizations that monitors spam. If they see a domain that is sending out copious amounts of junk, they mark that domain and add it to spam filters that other organizations use to help keep the garbage out of your inbox. As a result of us being blacklisted a lot of out-going email is either going to junk mail or spam folders, or not getting delivered at all. I was explaining this to a professor who had a colleague suddenly not getting his email. His response:

Faculty Caller "You mean people responded to that? I thought this was a technical university."

Priceless.

Stupid Stuff I Do:

Tripping over the cedar chest in the living room that is used for a coffee table teaches one a the lesson that wood is pretty sturdy and bare toes are not. Purple, swollen, maybe broken. Yay.

There's a reason for that...

There's a reason why a lot of call centers have "Please have your account number ready when you call" as a part of their automated message. It just means "If you are calling for help, please be ready to be helped". In our case, this means simply have as much information as you have available when you call. If you care calling for problems with your email, it would help if you knew what your email address was. If you don't know your email address, it would help if you have your student number. If you call for someone's phone number, it would help if you had something to write down with/on. If you are calling for help with your computer, PLEASE be at your computer when you call.

Caller "I got this weird error when I opened my email"
Help Desk Guy "What error message did you get"
Caller "I don't know, I clicked it off before I could read it"
Help Desk Guy "Can you go back thru the steps you took that produced the error?"
Caller "No, I'm at lunch in my car. Not at the computer. And this was like 3 days ago. You can fix it, right?"

Sure. I will read your mind, play back your memories to the exact moment that you were at your computer and that error message came up, Google it, use my powers of telekinesis to turn your computer back on, correct the issue and turn your computer back off with the immense powers of my mind. While I'm at it, I will give your dog a bath and mow your lawn

Help Desk Guy "I will record that you called about this. If the error comes back, please give us a call with the error message and we will look into it then."

Mac. PC. Same thing, right?

Help Desk Guy: "Do you have a Mac or a PC?"
Staff Caller: "I don't know. I think have a Mac. It says 'Dell'. That's a Mac, right?"

I'll be bringing your new computer over soon. It's the latest model iPad. It will be bright yellow, with convenient blueish lines. You can even have your choice of Bic stylus. Blue or black ink, fine or medium point.