Wait...wut?

User ID. Fairly important bit of information. EVERYone on campus has one. You use it to log into EVERYthing that has ANYthing to do with the university. It's really not a hard question like what is your favorite color or your wedding anniversary or something. It's really not. Be prepared for someone to ask that of you if you call.

Student Caller "I'm having problems with my email"
Help Desk Guy "What is your user ID?"
Student Caller "Why do you need that?"

...

Student Caller "I'm having problems with my email"
Help Desk Guy "What is your user ID?"
Student Caller "mumblemumblemumble"
Help Desk Guy "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that, can you please repeat it?"
Student Caller (speaking even faster) "mumblemumblemumbl"

...

To make it interesting, most of our student user ID's are a 6 character string, normally initials followed by 3 random characters. THIS really gets interesting over the phone when you can have something like VBDFSX as an ID that you have to try and repeat over the phone. Yes, I know. Not everyone is familiar with either the NATO or radio alphabets, but most folks should have an idea of what a phonetic spelling is used for. If someone uses a phonetic alphabet to repeat your user ID back to you, please pay attention to the words. D as in Delta when repeated back means that I heard a letter D. If you agree with me, then I assume that your ID has a letter D in it not B. Oddly enough B as in Delta makes no sense. And if you are trying to spell your ID back to me G for Guest is a bit weird, especially with a Chinese accent.

Stupid stuff I see, hear and do.

Stupid Stuff I See:

This is our busiest week of the year. We go from about 75 calls per day to over 200 for a couple of weeks at the start of the fall semester (remember, technical university, right?). This year, we have a smaller staff taking calls for various reasons, so the call volume "feels" even bigger than it normally does this time of year. This is part of the stupid I see. Part 2 was at least temporary. The facilities guys needed to run some additional data cables in out building, and needed to install additional conduit for it. 4 inch diameter conduit, through concrete floor directly above the call center. During work hours. Have you ever heard what a hammer drill sounds like boring a 4 inch hole through a foot of concrete? Have you ever tried to have a phone conversation over that sort of racket?

Stupid Stuff I Hear:

The most common one recently goes something like:

Student Caller "I can't log into (insert online application here)"
Help Desk Guy "What sort of error are you getting?"
Student Caller "I don't know, it just won't let me in"
Help Desk Guy "Why don't you go ahead and give it a try while we are on the phone so I can get an idea "
Student Caller "Hold on while I turn on my computer" even better was the one that had me hold on while she WALKED ACROSS CAMPUS to find a lab computer that wasn't in use, huffing, puffing and cussing the whole way.

Then there was...

Staff Caller "My printer isn't working"
Help Desk Guy "Is this a network printer or local?"
Staff caller "I don't understand"
OK, I'll give you that one.
Help Desk Guy: "Is this a printer that only you can print to, or do others print to it as well?"
Staff Caller: "I don't know"
Help Desk Guy: "Do we know what kind of printer it is?"
Staff Caller: "No. It's grayish. Does that help?"
Yeah sure it does. It looks like every other printer ever made. Thanks. I now know exactly what kind it is
Help Desk Guy: "What about your computer name? Do you know that?"
Staff Caller "No"
Help Desk Guy: "Do you have a 'My Computer' icon on your desktop?"
Staff Caller "I don't see one. The problem is my printer, not the computer"

I sent someone to go have a look. Apparently the reason the printer was not printing was because a network print job that is automatically sent to her printer from the main campus or "mother ship" was currently being sent, rather than over-night like normal. It "wasn't printing" because the print job had not yet been sent.

The rash of phishing schemes got us "blacklisted" by a couple of organizations that monitors spam. If they see a domain that is sending out copious amounts of junk, they mark that domain and add it to spam filters that other organizations use to help keep the garbage out of your inbox. As a result of us being blacklisted a lot of out-going email is either going to junk mail or spam folders, or not getting delivered at all. I was explaining this to a professor who had a colleague suddenly not getting his email. His response:

Faculty Caller "You mean people responded to that? I thought this was a technical university."

Priceless.

Stupid Stuff I Do:

Tripping over the cedar chest in the living room that is used for a coffee table teaches one a the lesson that wood is pretty sturdy and bare toes are not. Purple, swollen, maybe broken. Yay.

There's a reason for that...

There's a reason why a lot of call centers have "Please have your account number ready when you call" as a part of their automated message. It just means "If you are calling for help, please be ready to be helped". In our case, this means simply have as much information as you have available when you call. If you care calling for problems with your email, it would help if you knew what your email address was. If you don't know your email address, it would help if you have your student number. If you call for someone's phone number, it would help if you had something to write down with/on. If you are calling for help with your computer, PLEASE be at your computer when you call.

Caller "I got this weird error when I opened my email"
Help Desk Guy "What error message did you get"
Caller "I don't know, I clicked it off before I could read it"
Help Desk Guy "Can you go back thru the steps you took that produced the error?"
Caller "No, I'm at lunch in my car. Not at the computer. And this was like 3 days ago. You can fix it, right?"

Sure. I will read your mind, play back your memories to the exact moment that you were at your computer and that error message came up, Google it, use my powers of telekinesis to turn your computer back on, correct the issue and turn your computer back off with the immense powers of my mind. While I'm at it, I will give your dog a bath and mow your lawn

Help Desk Guy "I will record that you called about this. If the error comes back, please give us a call with the error message and we will look into it then."

Mac. PC. Same thing, right?

Help Desk Guy: "Do you have a Mac or a PC?"
Staff Caller: "I don't know. I think have a Mac. It says 'Dell'. That's a Mac, right?"

I'll be bringing your new computer over soon. It's the latest model iPad. It will be bright yellow, with convenient blueish lines. You can even have your choice of Bic stylus. Blue or black ink, fine or medium point.

A Phishing we will go...

Latest attempt actually comes from an internal email address. Guessing the student responded to the last attempt, provided info, and got his account hacked. That account is now being used to try and get more information. The email contains a link that redirects a few times before loading a page that asks for user ID and password. I have not seen said page, but I'm guessing it has at best crappy reproductions of our graphic identity, but more likely, just a very generic web page. At least one person has not only clicked the link (sent by a random student) and provided the requested information. Professor Moron then calls complaining that the Sent Items folder in his mailbox is filling up with messages that he did not send, and is outraged that we cannot force the spam bot out of his account.

Are we sure this is a technical university?

Seriously

If a random person walks up to you and says "give me your passwords or your account will be disabled, are you really going to just say "Sure. Here's all my personal information"? C'mom people. Some of you really are rocket scientists. A little common sense is all we need here.

Also, a snarky "No, I'm not providing you any information" in a reply to a phishing email will also get your password scrambled. And now the spammer has your correct email address, and knows that account is valid, even if they don't have your password. How long do you think it would take them to break your password?

Still sounds phishy...

New phishing scam today.

Attention:


User Quarantine Notification

A mail box user quarantine exercise is currently going on. we are carrying out a (inactive email-accounts / spam protecting) clean-up process to enable service upgrade efficiency.
Please be informed that we will delete all mailbox accounts that do not adhere to this notice. You are to provide your email account details for Quarantine exercise and protection against spammers/hackers by clicking your reply button and reply to this email as follows (This will confirm your MST mailbox login/usage Frequency):



* Account Login id.:
* Password:
* Account Creation Date:


All IT utilities will not change during this period, This will not affect the operation of your mail box systems or the manner in which you currently login to your mailbox. Email access and usage will be disabled if you fail to comply with the above.



Still fairly obvious.  Last time I looked we had no offices in Claremont, Ca.  Who the heck knows when their account got created? Did you notice that the actual email address you are replying to is a gmail address?  Lastly, NO IT DEPARTMENT (at least a reputable one, anyway) WILL EVER ASK FOR YOUR PASSWORD.  ESPECIALLY THROUGH EMAIL.  We might ask if you know what is if you are having problems logging in, and we can tell via a counter if you are not using a correct one.  We cannot see your password, and we do not want to know.  Now, for that 50 or so of you that actually replied and sent your password, you deserve what you get.  Go change your password before it gets worse. Morons. 

Why did you even bother to call me...

Staff Caller: "I put in a request to have some work done on my computer.  You sent me an email asking some questions.  What do I need to do to get the work done"
Help Desk Guy looks up the ticket "Do you have the information we needed?"
Staff Caller : "No I will have to go get it.  Can I call you back?"

 Thanks for wasting my time...

Failure to plan on your part...

Staff caller: "I need this purchase entered in before the end of the fiscal year"
That just happens to be today.  At close of business.  Current time 2:15, and this is the 4th or 5th one of the day so far. How long did you know that the end of the fiscal year was today? Especially since it is the same date every year?

Failure to plan ahead on your part does not constitute an emergency on our part. 

Stupid stuff I say

Those that know me know that I have been accused of taking the drug Noassatol.  The average gnat has more butt than I do.  I say this to give some background on the stupid that occurred last night.  I got out of the shower and grabbed a pair of shorts.  I knew full well that they were the girlfriends shorts, but they were "men's" and they are comfortable.  They are a bit large for me, in the waist.  This is due to the fact that I have Noassatol, and has nothing to do with the girlfriend, who, like most girls, worry's about her weight and whether or not "this makes me look fat" (worst question any girl can ask any guy. ever.) So.  There I stand in baggy shorts. 

She says: "For someone who doesn't like shorts, you wear those a lot"
"Yeah, they are comfortable.  I'd like em better if they fit a bit better tho" my intent was actually "maybe I should get a pair in my size" but no, that's not what I said at all.  
She says "They don't fit because your girlfriend has a fat ass"
"I'm aware of that" sez I. the intent was "i'm aware they are your shorts, and I know that i have Noassatol.

/sigh.  I spent the rest of the evening trying to apologize for my stupid.  Goddess imma idiot.