There's a reason for that...

There's a reason why a lot of call centers have "Please have your account number ready when you call" as a part of their automated message. It just means "If you are calling for help, please be ready to be helped". In our case, this means simply have as much information as you have available when you call. If you care calling for problems with your email, it would help if you knew what your email address was. If you don't know your email address, it would help if you have your student number. If you call for someone's phone number, it would help if you had something to write down with/on. If you are calling for help with your computer, PLEASE be at your computer when you call.

Caller "I got this weird error when I opened my email"
Help Desk Guy "What error message did you get"
Caller "I don't know, I clicked it off before I could read it"
Help Desk Guy "Can you go back thru the steps you took that produced the error?"
Caller "No, I'm at lunch in my car. Not at the computer. And this was like 3 days ago. You can fix it, right?"

Sure. I will read your mind, play back your memories to the exact moment that you were at your computer and that error message came up, Google it, use my powers of telekinesis to turn your computer back on, correct the issue and turn your computer back off with the immense powers of my mind. While I'm at it, I will give your dog a bath and mow your lawn

Help Desk Guy "I will record that you called about this. If the error comes back, please give us a call with the error message and we will look into it then."

Mac. PC. Same thing, right?

Help Desk Guy: "Do you have a Mac or a PC?"
Staff Caller: "I don't know. I think have a Mac. It says 'Dell'. That's a Mac, right?"

I'll be bringing your new computer over soon. It's the latest model iPad. It will be bright yellow, with convenient blueish lines. You can even have your choice of Bic stylus. Blue or black ink, fine or medium point.

A Phishing we will go...

Latest attempt actually comes from an internal email address. Guessing the student responded to the last attempt, provided info, and got his account hacked. That account is now being used to try and get more information. The email contains a link that redirects a few times before loading a page that asks for user ID and password. I have not seen said page, but I'm guessing it has at best crappy reproductions of our graphic identity, but more likely, just a very generic web page. At least one person has not only clicked the link (sent by a random student) and provided the requested information. Professor Moron then calls complaining that the Sent Items folder in his mailbox is filling up with messages that he did not send, and is outraged that we cannot force the spam bot out of his account.

Are we sure this is a technical university?

Seriously

If a random person walks up to you and says "give me your passwords or your account will be disabled, are you really going to just say "Sure. Here's all my personal information"? C'mom people. Some of you really are rocket scientists. A little common sense is all we need here.

Also, a snarky "No, I'm not providing you any information" in a reply to a phishing email will also get your password scrambled. And now the spammer has your correct email address, and knows that account is valid, even if they don't have your password. How long do you think it would take them to break your password?

Still sounds phishy...

New phishing scam today.

Attention:


User Quarantine Notification

A mail box user quarantine exercise is currently going on. we are carrying out a (inactive email-accounts / spam protecting) clean-up process to enable service upgrade efficiency.
Please be informed that we will delete all mailbox accounts that do not adhere to this notice. You are to provide your email account details for Quarantine exercise and protection against spammers/hackers by clicking your reply button and reply to this email as follows (This will confirm your MST mailbox login/usage Frequency):



* Account Login id.:
* Password:
* Account Creation Date:


All IT utilities will not change during this period, This will not affect the operation of your mail box systems or the manner in which you currently login to your mailbox. Email access and usage will be disabled if you fail to comply with the above.



Still fairly obvious.  Last time I looked we had no offices in Claremont, Ca.  Who the heck knows when their account got created? Did you notice that the actual email address you are replying to is a gmail address?  Lastly, NO IT DEPARTMENT (at least a reputable one, anyway) WILL EVER ASK FOR YOUR PASSWORD.  ESPECIALLY THROUGH EMAIL.  We might ask if you know what is if you are having problems logging in, and we can tell via a counter if you are not using a correct one.  We cannot see your password, and we do not want to know.  Now, for that 50 or so of you that actually replied and sent your password, you deserve what you get.  Go change your password before it gets worse. Morons. 

Why did you even bother to call me...

Staff Caller: "I put in a request to have some work done on my computer.  You sent me an email asking some questions.  What do I need to do to get the work done"
Help Desk Guy looks up the ticket "Do you have the information we needed?"
Staff Caller : "No I will have to go get it.  Can I call you back?"

 Thanks for wasting my time...

Failure to plan on your part...

Staff caller: "I need this purchase entered in before the end of the fiscal year"
That just happens to be today.  At close of business.  Current time 2:15, and this is the 4th or 5th one of the day so far. How long did you know that the end of the fiscal year was today? Especially since it is the same date every year?

Failure to plan ahead on your part does not constitute an emergency on our part. 

Stupid stuff I say

Those that know me know that I have been accused of taking the drug Noassatol.  The average gnat has more butt than I do.  I say this to give some background on the stupid that occurred last night.  I got out of the shower and grabbed a pair of shorts.  I knew full well that they were the girlfriends shorts, but they were "men's" and they are comfortable.  They are a bit large for me, in the waist.  This is due to the fact that I have Noassatol, and has nothing to do with the girlfriend, who, like most girls, worry's about her weight and whether or not "this makes me look fat" (worst question any girl can ask any guy. ever.) So.  There I stand in baggy shorts. 

She says: "For someone who doesn't like shorts, you wear those a lot"
"Yeah, they are comfortable.  I'd like em better if they fit a bit better tho" my intent was actually "maybe I should get a pair in my size" but no, that's not what I said at all.  
She says "They don't fit because your girlfriend has a fat ass"
"I'm aware of that" sez I. the intent was "i'm aware they are your shorts, and I know that i have Noassatol.

/sigh.  I spent the rest of the evening trying to apologize for my stupid.  Goddess imma idiot. 

To unknown hacker...

If you happen to get access to an email that contains the final exam and answer key for something like say Physics, and you have not done all that well all semester, DO NOT be dumb enough to get a perfect score on the exam.  Miss a few questions.  Otherwise the staff of the physics department will know that someone has hacked their account, and will start an investigation.  Moron.

Printer not working

Email from Student: "I have connection problem from my computer to the printer ( I mean  that if I sent any document to the printer no printing response)"

 Help Desk Guy checks the computer.  There's no printer installed.  I wonder if that could be why there's no response from the printer?  Better yet, what is he doing that he thinks is printing 'cause it's sure not what I would call printing.