Quickies

Student Caller: "Hey man, there's like smoke coming out the back of my computer is that bad?"
Two things make this more humorous.  I checked the student's user ID, and found that he was an Electrical Engineering major.  Junior.  When he brought his machine to our walk-in repair location, it smelled so bad that they had to leave it outside for a few days to air out.

Student Caller:"Hello, I'm stuck in the elevator in this building" 
IT Guy: "And you called IT for that?"
Student Caller:"I couldn't think of the Police Department's number"
It Guy:"Do you see the panel of buttons where you select what floor you want to go to?"
Student Caller:"Yes"
IT Guy:"If you will look directly above those buttons, you will see a poster for the Police Department.  Their number about 4 inches tall on that poster.  Also, you might look on the other side of the door from the buttons, and use the emergency phone, instead of your cell phone"
The police probably can't take the call anyway.  Their computer monitor is not working.

Faculty Caller: "My laptop won't turn on. When I press the button, nothing happens"
IT Guy: "Sounds like the battery may be dead or is defective.  Do you have the power cable plugged in?"
Faculty Caller: "It's wireless.  Why do I have to plug it in."
He was probably Mr Smoke's professor...